i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
