So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
