What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
