P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
