i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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