New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
