I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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