dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
