fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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