every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
