woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
