Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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