watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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