EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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