Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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