I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
