We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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