Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
