I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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