I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
