sarcasm needs its own font
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
