i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
