My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
