I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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