her vagine was all disorganized.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is Oprah even human
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
