I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
