I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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