i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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