I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
