Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
