I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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