Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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