It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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