My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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