Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
