i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
