I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
