yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
