Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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