I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he shaved USA in his pubs
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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