FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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