Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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