Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
