I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
