R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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