i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
