based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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