Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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