I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
