somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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