my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
