Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
