Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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