His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
