I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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