I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
