I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
