I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
