You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im holly from the hills drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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